Day 83, Friday, October 29, 2010

Today is actually day 60 for me since I began exercising again.

I have motivation.  I wish to feel great about myself.  And I realized that being over 200 pounds with a physical body temple that reflects that when I am a guest at the wedding of my first born son, did not feel great to me.  And it isn't like I can't do something about this.  It isn't like I wasn't once a body size that I was fairly thrilled about.  And I know more now about working with energy, etc.  And I am Divine...damn it!!!  A co-creator with God.  Surely, God loves me enough that I may choose to sculpt and co-create a body that is pleasing to me.  (note:  pleasing to me)

I have the expectation that I CAN do this.  I have the expectation that I will succeed within the time frame I have allotted myself, nine months.

And I AM in the process of doing it NOW.  Today is day 60.  It feels great to feel like I AM doing something everyday toward the successful, triumphant manifestation of my goal.  I love myself enough to allow myself to have a body I love and adore.

It seems very, very important that the exercise I do is something I enjoy and feels great.  It seems very, very important that each day I am looking and expecting my body to shift more and more closer to the idea of my ideal physical body temple shape, size, fitness and well-being.

I do believe it helps that I once was a shape, size and fitness that was quite close to my ideal...providing me with sense memory of how great it felt to be that.  Without it...I think you really have to continue to use your imagination to feel how great you imagine it will feel when you are your ideal body size.

Maybe your journey will not be the same as mine in the sense that the body shape of someone over 200 pounds is so much bigger than the one of someone in the 120s to 130s.  And I have to say there is a bit of impatience for me.  I have been exercising pretty much an hour and a half a day.  And so in order to stay motivated and feeling great about my progress, it seems I must look for the little milestones along the way.

Such as at the end of every one of my exercise sessions, it seems important to me to do a stretching routine I learned from being an employee for Curves.  The first day...sixty days ago...it was a struggle for me to get on the fluidly get on the floor to do the last couple of stretches and it was a struggle to do some of the stretches.  Today, I don't get down on the floor quite as fluidly as I would love, but a ton better than the first day.  And the stretches feel good.

And I had mentioned to someone that it is interesting to me because as someone who has always maintained a healthy attitude about my physical well-being, I used to wonder how women could let themselves become over 200 pounds.  Having done it myself NOW...I understand.  It's not like it happened overnight.  It pretty much happened over ten years or so.  And so with such gradual change, you realize your body is larger and you understand you need to wear larger clothes and maybe you don't get around as well as you used to...but again...it has been so gradual that in a way the you inside of the physical body that laughs and loves and dreams, etc....pretty much still feels the same.  Not to mention as this happens between the years of forty and fifty, it seems like we have lots of exucses out there to blame this weight gain on our age.  What I am trying to say is "I get it!"

And once I lose the weight...thhe me inside of the physical body temple that laughs and loves and dreams, etc will basically be the same me.  It's just that I (if I am completely honest) don't feel good about my body being so big.  And it is important to me to feel great in as many now moments as possible.

Today (partly knowing it is day 60) I tried on a pair of my jeans...a pair I had never worn before...size 16...I size I never thought I would be big enough to fit in at one point and at another a size I was afraid to try on because I was afraid they would be too small and then how would I feel...these jeans fit me pretty well.

Now part of my brain is saying "60 days...Good God...at this rate..."  In other words, I should have done it faster. 

Yet, another part of me understands now how much what I think/feel (and remember we have about fifty to sixty thousand of these a day) has to do with the process. 

When I am the physical body temple size of my dreams and desires, I will think/feel about me differently than what I think/feel about me when I weigh over 200 pounds and am not the physical body temple size of my dreams and desires.  You know...if I am telling it like it is?

What's also interesting to me is that on the climb up the scale to over 200 pounds, part of me feared this.  (Nothing like facing your fears, eh?  And living to tell about it.)  And every day I would be looking for and fearing that I would get bigger and bigger.  I would analizy everything I ate and drank...instead of simply blessing and enjoying it. 

Truth is...I really desired to maintain my ideal body weight and size simply through co-creating with my thoughts and feelings while not yet having enough skill to do so.

So now...it is interesting to me that since I am exercising, I am expecting to lose weight and have my body shrink.  I am looking for this.  I am looking for evidence of this every day.  And I have sixty consecutive days of looking for this now.  And when you look you will find.  And I notice too that as I am going through this experience I feel a lot better about how my body appears at this point in the journey than I did when my body was the same size and shape on the uphill climb to over 200 pounds.  Get it:  same body shape, different thoughts and feelings about it.  Get it:  I get to decide which thoughts and feelings to choose.

This brought me to a very interesting realization today.  If I let myself, I would allow others (and most of the time) to determine how I should define myself and feel about myself and whether I am worthy, etc.  This is not their job.  It is my job to determine this and then express this to others.  They may not agree, but they are entitled to their opinion.  They are not entitled to expect me to adopt their viewpoint, especially if it doesn't feel great for me to do so...to think of/define me the way they wish to.  I felt this was huge.

The other thing I may have had a bit of a roadblock with is this whole instant manifestation.  I do believe it is possible.  I do believe Jesus, the Christ, was an excellent example.  I do believe currently that like a good architect, the moment I determine in my mind that I have a desire...it is mine and complete...well, it still may be a bit before it shows up in physical manifestation.  What I am trying to get at is that if it didn't show up within some sort of random time line, I assumed it would not.  And after a while of desiring and not manifesting...I would stop dreaming of the desire.

Dream until your dreams come true.

Reminds me of something T. Harv Ekert once said upon being asked how long one should affirm something.  He said to continue to affirm your desire until it manifests.  That's when you know you are in enough of a vibrational alignment with your desire.  Don't stop expecting.  Don't stop dreaming.  Continue to dream.  Continue to expect.  Love yourself so much that you know you will succeed.

So again, going back to my desire to be my ideal physical body temple size, shape and fitness by the time my son gets married...I can see how over the sixty days it becomes easier and easier to think/feel about me as being more the me of my dreams than the physical body temple size that did not please me.

And it seems to me that many of us (especially women)...okay maybe I should speak for myself...what seems important here also to point out is loving my physical body temple regardless.  I believe for a long time I have been mad and frustrated with my body, with God...with lots of reasons and excuses why my physical body temple doesn't...won't...can't be the shape and size of my dreams.  When Divine Truth is that my physical body temple has no agenda as to size and shape.  I am the ruler of what it manifests.  It responds to my thoughts/feelings/instructions as surely as a computer responds to all input I give it.

If I thought of my physcial body temple as a computer, would I get mad at it and curse it and hate it, etc. because it wasn't giving me the output I desired?  Okay, I might.  Yet would that be effective?  Would that get me the results I seek?  Probably not!  The output of my computer is only as effective as the input I give it...the instructions, etc. 

There are a couple of other things (mental fuel) which have been helping me with this journey that I know I will be successful with:
1.  Comes from my great ally, the Universe (via tut.com):  "simply put, the reason there are things you want, Lori, that have not yet appeared in your life, is because you're just not used to thinking of yourself with them.  Sorry, kind of wish it was more complicated.  Just keep practicing."  In other words, how can I keep affirming "I am fat." and expect to be thin.
2.  It probably sounds a lttle daunting, but every thought, feeling, etc. matters to my experience.  Many of us have been taught to go over what we've already experienced or to feel bad about this or to worry about that...you get the picture?  Every moment spent doing that is sending a vibration to the Universe which is basically saying "give me more of this".  And then it would seem you need to ask yourself, "would giving me more of this really contribute to my feeling great and reaching for the best feeling thought I may in every moment?"  'Cuz if it wouldn't, "why?"  Am I right?  Anyway, it was like a light bulb really went off as I was watching an Abraham Hicks video on YouTube where Abraham mentions:  "We can talke about what isn't wanted and go there.  We can talk about what is wanted and go there.  We can talk about what has been and get more of that or we can talk about what is and hold that right where it is OR we can talk about what is desired from where I AM (no judgment as each simply co-creates a different result).  But if my intention is to be my ideal physical body temple shape, size and fitness by my son's wedding...that is what I desire...then I help myself the most (it seems to me) to as much as possible think/feel/talk about/walk, etc.  what is desired from where I AM.

Spend so much time mentally and emotionally in the place of my desire of how I would love it to be that the Universe thinks it is me...and soon enough that will be the life I AM living and enjoying.

Don't stop, though.  Keep that forward momentum going.  In the sixty days I've probably not exercised about six of them.  Let the great feeling of your dream desire keep that forward momentum going and motivate you. 

Here's another thing Abraham mentioned I throw in here as a little bonus.  Someone asked aboug aging.  Basically it seemed that answer is to take all attention off of aging to focus on "replenishing youth...allowing the vitality to continue to flow...this is the best way to stay young."

This is very similar to what Rhonda Byrne mentions in her book, "the Power".  Think if you allowed yourself a scant three to seven minutes per day visualizing perfect health which she equates to feeling like a child feels.  Such as:  "I feel bursting with energy every day.  I feel my Divine Physical Body Temple (spirit in form) feels light and flexible...moving is effortless for me.  I feel I AM light on my feet.  I feel my mind is clear.  I feel happy and joyful.  I love to giggle and make noises of sheer delight and pleasure.  I love my Divine Physical Body Temple.  I feel amazing.  I sleep deep and peacefully every night.  Every morning I awake feeling completely refreshed.  I feel excited and passionate about each day and what awesome things the Universe will be gifting me with for my fun, pleasure, enjoyment and love today.  I feel, divine, eternal, flowing and glowing with well-being.  I feel loved and adored by ALL THAT IS.  I feel glowing and luminous with my own unique beauty.  Doesn't mean others aren't beautiful or that I am more or less beautiful than another.  They are.  Every child of God is uniquely beautiful.  Each beautiful in our own unique way.  I feel blessed.  I love being my ideal weight, my desired Divine Physical Body Temple shape, size and being physicall fit.  It feels great.  My body feels great.  I look great.  I love this about my body.  I love my body.  I appreciate my Divine Physical Body Temple shape.  I love that everything is possible for me.  I love that everything is available to me.  I love me.  I love my life.  I love Mother/Father God.  I love the Universe.  I love Mother Earth.  I love everyone and everything.  It is safe for me to feel this love and share this love.  This sharing and radiating my divine love is one of the reasons I am so beautiful."

Okay, I was just about to wrap up when I remembered something else I wished to mention at some point about this treatise on weight and body image.

I have no scientific proof and this may only be true about me, but just in case these thoughts may help others to move beyond their limitations and mental/emotional blocks concerning their bodies...I offer these up to you.

For two years I worked as an assistant manager at a Curves.  They are fitness centers for women.  I felt like I needed to leave this position (as much as I enjoyed it and the women there) because all we did was talk about weight and losing weight and why can't I and blah blah blah...and with my studyiing of spirituality and the law of attraction and my first hand seeing so many women who wanted to lose weight and even joined a facility to help them do so...why would some and why didn't others and why was it easy for some and a struggle for others and so on.

At one point looking back to these years, I looked pretty darn good (if I do say so myself) especially compared to the current shape of my physical body temple as I write this.  However, in comparison to how I looked for much of my twenties and thirties, I feel like I didn't look so great.

If you reread those sentences in the above paragraph, you should see automatically why I reached a seeming road block to becoming the size I wished to be (especially after reading everything else I've written in this blog post). 

One thing during these times that really stuck out for me and I remember to this day (which I believe is also a contributing factor to why it has taken me so long to make the choice to make this goal and succeed with the shape of my body temple) is I realized that it bothered me when people commented on my weight.  What I mean by that is that I started to not enjoy when someone would look at me and comment that I must have lost some weight.  Now I know they probably thought they were being nice or whatever.  It just bugged me.  I didn't want people commenting on that.  I made that decision. Bam!!!  What's a way for people not to comment on my losing weight?  Don't lose weight. 

It's interesting how such a little decision can make such a huge impact.

Here's the other thing.  I feel women have this huge push/pull thing going on with their body image.  We wish to be beautiful and appealing to the gender we wish to have romantic relations with.  We want to be noticed.  We want to be admired.  We love the attention.  Yet, we only want it from those we want it from.  We don't want to be harassed.  We don't want to have to keep saying "no" to those we have no interest in.  We don't want our romantic partner to be continually jealous because everyone else is looking at us.  We don't always wish to be thought of as just a beautiful, shiny object to look at which gives others the idea they would love to have sex with us.  How do we stop the attention?  Let ourselves go and co-create a body shape others don't find sexually appealing.

Since I believe we pretty much can create any circumstances and put out a particular vibe which is an answer to "what would we really like/desire?", this seemed to be a solution.

It seems to me that to some of us there has been a misconception that the beauty vibe and the sexually attractive vibe are the same thing.  They are not.  Or at least they don't have to be.  And it seems to me that what we give off vibrational starts with us...what do we think/feel about ourself?  If the majority of the time I simply feel I am beautiful (because in Divine Truth I AM)...then others will pick up on this.  The only person I would need to think/'feel I am sexy/sexually attractive around then would be my romantic partner.

It may take some time to adopt this vibration in your being.  And truth be told, we technically have no say over how another will think/feel about us.  However, the LOA eventually (once we adopt this vibration about our self that I mention) will help attract to me what I am emitting in my vibrational bubble.  And then we can feel good (almost like we have an "on/off switch") about attracting others who may admire our unique beauty (as we admire theirs), yet who will respect us as more than just pretty, shiny objects they want to have sex with.

Whew!  That was a lot.  Glad I wrote it though.

To finish and perhaps whet your pallette for more, I include at the end of this post an (what I feel is) awesome Abraham Hicks video.  God Bless You!

Day 77, Saturday, October 23, 2010

I'm still at it.  My focus has changed a little.

I had been feeling really good about the progress I was making with my exercise regimen for the first 42 days and so decided to commit to reading the blessings once a day for the last 42 days of my journey here.  Doing so as if I were my Higher Self decreeing them and without too much expectation of what the energy might manifest in my life, assuming that it would be all good since the energy of blessings is a very awesome energy.

Alrighty then.

Day 67, Wednesday, October 13, 2010

It's all good and getting better all the time.

Day 60, Wednesday, October 6, 2010

it's all good

Day 55, Friday, October 1, 2010

Greetings and salutations!

A new month has begun.  Ten is my lucky number.

And after 54 days, half this journey has already ended.  The second half is beginning.  Kind of exciting.

You may wish to ask me why?  Maybe you don't.

I feel like I really do have some great forward motion going on in my life.  And this may sound a bit snobby, but in a way the most important being that needs to feel this way for it to have a positive impact on me loving and enjoying my life more and more each day is ME!

At this point, too, it seems only natural to reassess a bit.  It occurred to me that I couldn't have been more clear with myself that my focus was to be me thinking, seeing, feeling, etc. me as Divine.  In that sense if I were grading myself, I would have to say I have failed.

However, if I substitute the word "divine" for the word "love", then I feel I am making great progress.  What has really inspired me is the book, "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne.  If you go to page 118 to about page 121, it almost makes me feel like what I would rather amend the last half of this journey to is "Lori's Love Log".  In other words, how much love will I see, feel, be, think, etc. in these last fifty-four days?  How ooey-gooey and firmly entrenched in this vibe will I allow myself to become?  And then when it seems like I am really dripping deliciously in loves vibration, might I amp this frequency to an even more intense feeling of love?  How good can I feel?  How much can I allow myself to authentically feel I love my life and everyone and everything?  How much love can I give?  How much love will I allow myself to receive?  How much can I adore everyone and everything about my life, including me?  Me, living and loving my charmed life.

And I'd love to give this the same sort of focused attention that I am giving to morphing my physical body temple from the 216 pounds I was clocked in at the end of August, 2010 to the physical body temple I love and adore even if it takes me another eight months.

As a side note, Kelly Osbourne was speaking about her weight loss.  She mentioned that when she was on Dancing With the Stars it was the first time she'd ever felt like she properly lost weight (which she meant as eating more healthfully and exercise).  She liked how it made her feel.  Yet, it has taken her 18 months total she said to get to the place where she is now.  And she does look fabulous.

You know, Prince (Prince Rogers Nelson), has a lyric in his song, "Beautiful, Loved, Blessed" where he refers to the physical body temple as being a piece of clay in need of a potters hand.  It has taken me until this summer to really "get it" that each of us deserves a physical body temple that is self-pleasing and we have all the perfect intelligence built-in to each and every cell of our physical body temple to be in a continuous state of well-being.

What I am trying to say is if you have a body you don't authentically love how it looks (and that you love how it looks is most important because then you will not only think others love how it looks...even if they don't, you won't care because you do), it isn't something you have to settle for.  It isn't something being done to you or some sort of punishment for you to learn a lesson (unless, of course you believe it is and then it will be).

Like the statue of David by Michaelangelo which took three years to sculpt, I feel like once someone has arrived at the mindset the sculpting of ones physical body temple will take some time and effort, you have reached a place where you are working with yourself instead of battling yourself about the process.  Chances are you will be much more likely then to succeed.

Keep Dreamin' Til Your Dreams Come True
I love my life.

Day 52, Tuesday, September 28, 2010

In an earlier post I mentioned starting a work out regiment.  Today I started day 29, my fifth week.

The first four weeks have been a wild ride.  Yet, I feel the experience could be applied to just about any manifestation one is desirous of undertaking.  You see it has only been in about the last week or so that I feel like I have really started to make any outward progress.  And what if I had quit before then?

And it has only been in about the last week or so that I have started feeling like by making forward progress every day, what I desire my outcome to be is actually doable (even if I may not arrive until the end of April, 2011). 

And letting that be okay.  Okay, because in truth I am divine.  I am eternal.  I am loved regardless of what my physical body temple's shape is, etc.

I love my life.  I feel truly blessed.

And so it is.

Day 48, Friday, September 24, 2010

Ever vigilant.  Seems this is still important.

Yesterday, I spent the entire day in bed reading a book...never changed out of my jammies.  On a Thursday!!!

Now in my mind a really healthy mental consciousness...divine perspective would include me simply feeling absolutely blessed and thrilled and glorious that I have the option to do this on a Thursday.  Yet I found myself at times feeling quite guilty about it all.

And speaking of different ways to "view" life (and truly which is right or wrong OR technically should there be a right or wrong and who gets to decide), less than two weeks ago I had the opportunity to watch a movie simply titled, "Adam".  Truth is I probably wouldn't have watched it if not for the fact that my oldest son's name is Adam.  Adam is the main character in the movie and he has Asperger's Syndrome.  I'd never heard of Asperger's, considered a higher functioning form of autism, prior to the movie.

Well, when I was in the library on Wednesday, I found the new Jodi Picoult novel, House Rules, available.  I find her writing to be an enjoyable read.  So without really taking the time to see what the book was about, I simply checked it out and started reading.  This book is about a boy named Jacob who has Asperger's Syndrome.  I loved the book. 

Today, I noticed in my email inbox the first anniversary edition of my friend, Emmanuel Dagher's Minute of Transformation.  The subject: mistakes.  Hmmm!

Truth is I am always divine.  Always.  In every moment...no matter what I am doing.  Divine.  Loved.  Adored.  By ALL THAT IS!

One thing I had mentioned previously was about keeping a journal of noticing things that seem to be "proof" of what it is one is seeking to manifest.  I desire that my mind is in perfect harmony with Divine Mind's idea of perfect wealth.  And this week I have been having some experiences of seeming to feel more wealthy and having money opporunities and cash show up for me.  Whoo hooo!!!!

I'll be honest, I've fallen a bit off of my initial excitement trail when it comes to manifesting my ideal physical body.  Some of the thoughts and feelings I've been having this past week have not been the most harmonious.  And so again, I wish to thank all the beings who are assisting me with my journey for continuing to help me with thoughts of "dreaming until my dreams come true".

I have to say I was a little surprised as I was even somewhat inspired by Kate from the Kate Plus 8.  She has been changing her lifestyle habits in order to help her resculpt her physical body and the results are paying off.  She mentioned that there are many days when she doesn't really feel like going for a run, but she does.

Keep dreaming until your dreams come true.
Do what you want but be who you are.
Inherent in the desire is the mechanics for its fulfillment.

Thank you.